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GRE寫作范文五十二

The?following?is?taken?from?a?memo?from?the?advertising?director?of?the?Silver?Screen?Movie?Production?Company.??

"According?to?a?recent?report?from?our?marketing?department,?fewer?people?attended?movies?produced?by?Silver?Screen?during?the?past?year?than?in?any?other?year.??And?yet?the?percentage?of?generally?favorable?comments?by?movie?reviewers?about?specific?Silver?Screen?movies?actually?increased?during?this?period.??Clearly,?the?contents?of?these?reviews?are?not?reaching?enough?of?our?prospective?viewers;?so?the?problem?lies?not?with?the?quality?of?our?movies?but?with?the?public\'s?lack?of?awareness?that?movies?of?good?quality?are?available.??Silver?Screen?should?therefore?spend?more?of?its?budget?next?year?on?reaching?the?public?through?advertising?and?less?on?producing?new?movies."??

The?author?make?a?conclusion?that?Silver?Screen?should?spend?more?of?its?budget?next?year?on?reaching?the?public?through?advertising?and?less?on?producing?new?movies.??Becase?the?author?think?the?public?is?lack?of?awareness?that?movies?quality?are?available.??Althogh?the?percentage?of?generally?favorable?comments?by?movie?reviews?actually?increased?during?this?period,?it?is?the?opnion?of?the?movie?reviews?which?not?stand?for?the?reviews?of?the?most?people.??So?these?fact?is?not?sufficient?provide?the?conclusion.??Furthermore?the?author?think?we?need?let?more?prospective?viewer?have?the?same?opnion?of?the?movie?viewer.??It?is?not?unreasonable?that?it?will?decrease?his?inference.??So?I?don\'t?think?it?is?a?good?conclusion?for?Silver?Screen?to?spend?more?money?on?advertise?instead?of?improve?the?quality?of?movie.??

Commentary???

This?fundamentally?flawed?response?is?characterized?by?three?essential?deficiencies:??

--?It?provides?little?evidence?of?the?ability?to?understand?and?analyze????the?argument.?

--?It?provides?little?evidence?of?the?ability?to?develop?an?organized????response.?

--?It?contains?a?pervasive?pattern?of?errors?in?grammar?and?usage?that results?in?incoherence.??

Where?the?language?makes?sense?and?looks?controlled,?the?writer?has?relied?on?the?language?and?phrasing?of?the?argument?topic.??Where?the?writer?has?relied?on?her?or?his?own?knowledge?and?command?of?language?and?syntax,?we?see?serious?and?fundamental?deficiencies.??Thus,?this?response?requires?a?score?of?1.

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