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GRE寫作范文五十

The?following?is?taken?from?a?memo?from?the?advertising?director?of?the?Silver?Screen?Movie?Production?Company.??

"According?to?a?recent?report?from?our?marketing?department,?fewer?people?attended?movies?produced?by?Silver?Screen?during?the?past?year?than?in?any?other?year.??And?yet?the?percentage?of?generally?favorable?comments?by?movie?reviewers?about?specific?Silver?Screen?movies?actually?increased?during?this?period.??Clearly,?the?contents?of?these?reviews?are?not?reaching?enough?of?our?prospective?viewers;?so?the?problem?lies?not?with?the?quality?of?our?movies?but?with?the?public\'s?lack?of?awareness?that?movies?of?good?quality?are?available.??Silver?Screen?should?therefore?spend?more?of?its?budget?next?year?on?reaching?the?public?through?advertising?and?less?on?producing?new?movies."??

This?argument?states?the?problem?but?the?conclusion?is?not?compatible?to?the?rest?of?the?statement.??

Silver?Screen?recognized?that?fewer?people?attended?movies?in?the?studied?year.??I?would?recommend?that?they?find?out?if?this?was?happening?with?the?entire?movie?market.??It?might?of?have?been?a?poor?year?for?movies?for?all?movie?companies.??

Silver?Screen?recognized?that?of?the?movies?that?they?did,?they?received?favorable?reviews.??It?should?be?concluded?that?they?are?doing?well?with?the?movies?that?they?are?making.??Obviously,?they?are?on?track?with?the?consumer?in?what?they?are?producing.??

I?understand?the?conclusion?that?more?people?need?to?be?exposed?to?the?movies?available?for?viewing.??The?last?statement?focuses?on?the?fact?that?advertising?needs?to?be?increased,?but?does?it?by?cutting?production?costs.??This?is?wrong,?instead?of?continuing?what?is?working?the?company?plans?on?focusing?on?advertising?while?taking?away?from?producing.??The?consumers?like?the?movies?they?make.??If?Silver?Screen?focuses?their?funds?with?advertising,?producing?funds?will?suffer.??It?will?not?matter?how?much?advertising?is?done,?if?it?is?a?poorly?produced?movie,?nobody?will?want?to?go???Eventually,?Silver?Screen?will?get?the?reputation?of?producing?bad?movies.??There?has?to?be?some?compromise?which?doesn\'t?hurt?producing?costs.??

Commentary??

This?response?is?flawed.??It?makes?two?points,?the?first?of?which?is?undeveloped?(paragraph?2)?and?the?second?of?which?(the?remainder?of?the?essay)?is?mainly?discussion?rather?than?analysis,?although?some?meager?analysis?is?present.??The?author?also?offers?a?questionable?assumption?of?his?or?her?own?in stating?in?paragraph?4?that?"the?consumers?like?the?movies?they?make."??Overall,?there?is?nothing?incisive?or?convincing?in?this?paper.??It?is?loosely?organized?and?not?well?developed.??

The?response?is?clear;?what?errors?there?are?never?interfere?with?a?reader\'s?understanding,?but?there?are?frequent?minor?errors?in?language,?syntax,?and?punctuation.??

For?all?of?these?reasons,?the?response?is?clearly?limited?and?deserves?a?score?of?3.

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