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GRE寫作范文三十三

Six?months?ago?the?region?of?Forestville?increased?the?speed?limit?for?vehicles?traveling?on?the?region\'s?highways?by?ten?miles?per?hour.??Since?that?change?took?effect,?the?number?of?automobile?accidents?in?that?region?has?increased?by?15?percent.??But?the?speed?limit?in?Elmsford,?a?region?neighboring?Forestville,?remained?unchanged,?and?automobile?accidents?declined?slightly?during?the?same?six-month?period.??Therefore,?if?the?citizens?of?Forestville?want?to?reduce?the?number?of?automobile?accidents?on?the?region\'s?highways,?they?should?campaign?to?reduce?Forestville\'s?speed?limit?to?what?it?was?before?the?increase.??

The?argument?gives?statistics?of?increases?in?automobile?accidents?since?the?speed?limit?increased?six?months?ago?on?the?highways?of?Forestville.??The?argument?also?gives?a?statement?of?how?the?neighboring?region?of?Forestville,?did?not?increase?or?decrease?the?speed?limit.??It?remained?unchanged?and?automobile?accidents?declined?slightly?during?the?same?six-month?period.??The?argument?may?appeal?to?those?who?have?been?effected?by?the?increase?in?accidents,?but?it?does?not?give?an?emotional?appeal?overall.??We?are?relying?on?the?authors?statistics?but?we?don\'t?know?where?they?came?from?and?if?they?are?reliable.?The?argument?needs?more?examples?and?illustrations?to?get?his?point?across?to?more?people.??It?is?suggested?that?the?citizens?of?Forestville?campaign?to?reduce?Forestville\'s?speed?limit?to?what?it?was?before?the?increase,?but?it?is?usually?hard?to?start?a?campaign.?One?person?needs?to?take?action.??If?the?author?is?a?citizen?of?Forestville,?maybe?he?should?take?the?initiative.?Comments:?

This?seriously?flawed?critique?presents?only?one?idea?relevant?to?an?analysis?of?the?argument:?"The?argument?needs?more?examples?and?illustrations?to?get?his?point?across?to?more?people."??Everything?else?in?the?essay?is?either?summarizing?the?argument,?speculating,?or?offering?advice.??The?result?is?a?response?that?is?clearly?on?topic?but?that?provides?no?analysis?of?the?line?of?reasoning?in?the?argument.??

In?addition?to?the?lack?of?analysis,?the?writing?is?weak.??The?organization?is?loose,?although?not?illogical,?and?intended?meaning?is?sometimes?unclear?(e.g.,?"but?it?does?not?give?an?emotional?appeal?overall.").??For?these?reasons,?the?response?deserves?a?score?of?2?according?to?the?scoring?guide.

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