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GRE寫作范文三十一

Six?months?ago?the?region?of?Forestville?increased?the?speed?limit?for?vehicles?traveling?on?the?region\\'s?highways?by?ten?miles?per?hour.??Since?that?change?took?effect,?the?number?of?automobile?accidents?in?that?region?has?increased?by?15?percent.??But?the?speed?limit?in?Elmsford,?a?region?neighboring?Forestville,?remained?unchanged,?and?automobile?accidents?declined?slightly?during?the?same?six-month?period.??Therefore,?if?the?citizens?of?Forestville?want?to?reduce?the?number?of?

automobile?accidents?on?the?region\\'s?highways,?they?should?campaign?to?reduce?Forestville\\'s?speed?limit?to?what?it?was?before?the?increase.??

The?argument?above?presents?a?sound?case?for?arguing?that?if?the?region?of?Forestville?wants?to?reduce?the?number?of?automobile?accidents?on?the?region\\'s?highways,?they?should?consider?reducing?the?speed?limit?to?what?it?was?before?the?increase?in?speed?limit?took?place?6?months?previously.?However,?there?are?some?intermediate?steps?that?one?could?take?before?jumping?to?the?conclusion?that?reducing?the?speed?limit?is?the?only?way?in?which?traffic?accidents?can?be?reduced.??

First?of?all,?I?would?examine?the?actual?number?of?traffic?accidents?that?occurred?before?and?after?the?speed?limit?increase?and?compare?this?to?the?size?of?the?region?and?its?driving?population.?For?example,?if?the?Forestville?region\\'s?driving?population?is?1?million?people,?and?the?traffic?accidents?for?a?6-month?period?before?the?speed?increase?totaled?100,?then?the?15%?increase?would?amount?to?an?additional?16?traffic?accidents,?or?116?total.?For?a?population?of?1?million,?there?may?be?other?solutions?to?this?increase?besides?reducing?the?speed?limit?to?what?it?was.?(The?comparison?to?the?region?of?Elmsford?would?only?be?helpful?if?the?regions?driving?demography?is?comparable?in?terms?of?size?and?scope.)?A?public?education?campaign?emphasizing?driver?safety?and?safe?driving?techniques?may?suffice?to?reduce?the?number?of?traffic?accidents.?Especially?considering?that?if?the?number?of?accidents?relative?to?the?population?is?somewhat?small,?it?is?a?fairly?safe?driving?population?anyway.??

In?addition,?I?would?consider?lengthening?the?time?of?the?study.?Six?months?may?be?a?relatively?short?period?of?time?for?which?to?study?the?rate?of?traffic?accidents.?Upon?a?closer?examination?of?when?the?accidents?occurred,?one?might?ascertain?that?most?of?the?driving?accidents?occurred?within?a?month?of?raising?the?speed?limit,?but?that?there?have?been?relatively?few?additional?accidents?since?that?first?phase-in?period.?Lengthening?the?study?to?a?one-year?period?would?help?adjust?for?any?untypical?statistics?and?paint?a?more?accurate?picture?of?the?long-term?affects?of?the?speed?limit?increase.??

I?would?also?examine?what?else?was?occurring?in?the?region?during?the?period?of?the?study.?For?example,?was?there?a?major?highway?construction?project?happening?during?this?time?which?would?have?added?to?the?unsafe?nature?of?raod?travel??Are?there?any?alternative?explanations?for?why?the?increase?in?traffic?accidents?could?have?occurred,?or?is?the?increase?in?speed?limit?the?sole?variable??Looking?at?the?type?of?accidents?that?occurred,?I?would?examine?whether?these?are?the?types?of?car?accidents?one?would?expect?from?traveling?at?a?faster?speed?to?corroborate?the?cause?and?effect?relationship.?Comments:As?in?the?sample?6?response,?this?writer?sees?some?logic?in?assuming?a?connection?between?the?higher?speed?limit?in?Forestville?and?the?increase?in?auto?accidents.??Unlike?the?sample?6?on?this?topic,?this?response?is?neither?as?exhaustive?in?its?analysis?nor?as?impressively?developed.??The?writer?makes?four?points?in?the?critique:??

--?A?statistical?analysis?might?suggest?that?the?15%?increase?in????accidents?is?not?as?significant?as?it?might?seem.?

--?A?car?safety?education?campaign?might?be?a?better?way?to?solve?the????problem.?

--?A?six?month?period?might?be?too?short?a?time?on?which?to?base?major ?conclusions.?

--?Other?factors?could?have?caused?the?increase?in?accidents.??

Although?each?of?these?points?is?developed?and?sensibly?supported,?the?critique?is?not?sufficiently?full?to?warrant?a?score?of?6.??The?essay?demonstrates?good?control?but?not?mastery?of?the?elements?of?writing:?it?contains?good?variety?in?syntax,?including?effective?use?of?rhetorical?questions.??The?occasional?flaws?(e.g.,?the?somewhat?garbled?syntax?in?paragraph?3:?".time?for?which?to?study?the?rate???")?do?not?detract?from?the?overall?strong?quality?of?the?critique.??For?all?of?these?reasons,?this?response?is?strong?but?not?outstanding,?and?thus?merits?a?score?of?5.

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