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GRE寫作范文二十

"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

Looking at the above statement, I see a lot of truth to the statement . There are many ways that society has used the advanced technology in order to isolate themselves. It may or may not be a consious move, but the results are all the same. The isolation occurs in a variety of ways and in all different areas. By computerizing factories, there are more and more people working long hours by themselves, with there only companion as a computer monitor. Although the company may be getting better production, the question that needs to be ask is at what cost to their employees.

It is not only the management of big factories that are responsible for this isolation. This lonliness can be seen in many other settings. With the growing popularity of the television, the nation is seeing a decline in families talking and an increase in watching the television. Not only can this result in a generation of "coach potatoes", it is also causes less communication and a feeling of isolation from everyone that a person cares about.

So far technology has entered the work place and the home, it has also entered the social relm. When you go to order food in the drive-thru, who is or better yet what is it that you talk to? It is a machine, although there is a person on the other end, you are still reciting your order to a machine. If it is ten o\\'clock at night and you need money, there are ATM\\'s. All of these gadgets may be very nice and convient, but they result in lack of human contact.

Although it might be easy to blame technolgy for our feelings of loneliness, it is just a cop out. By looking at all the ways technology causes isolation, it is still people who choose to use these convenient methods. If a person wants to have human contact, all they have to do is go inside to the bank or go inside the resturaunt to order. What it basically boils down to, is that it is our choice whether or not we use technology. It is a scary thought to think maybe one day we might live in a society where you will never have to leave your house. That by using FAX machines, computers, modems, and the telephone a person would never have to have human contact to get their job done. The thing is that if that is not what we as a society wants, we are the ones to speak out and change the outcome.

Comments:

This is a competent discussion of the issue. The position presented in the first paragraph -- that "there are many ways that society has used the advanced technology in order to isolate themselves" -- is adequately sustained, but the examples are not always clearly relevant (e.g., in the case of paragraph one\\'s "computerizing" of factories, the decision to use the technology is not made by the individual worker.) Also, the reasoning is not developed as fully as it would be in a response at the score level of 6 or 5.

While organization is adequate, the response lacks the organized coherence of ideas that exemplify a 5 essay. Transitions, within and between paragraphs, are not always logical. The last paragraph could be much more clearly focused: since several sentences repeat the same idea -- that "it is our choice whether or not we use technology" -- and the purpose or meaning of others (e.g., the last) is not immediately clear.

In general, ideas are presented clearly, although awkward phrasing sometimes contributes to vagueness (e.g., "By looking at all the ways technology causes isolation, it is still people who choose to use these convenient methods"). Lack of sentence variety seems to inhibit the communication of ideas (e.g., many short sentences are often used where one or two compound ones could make the points more effectively). Overall, however, this is an adequate response to the topic.

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