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GRE寫作范文四十二

As?for?duty,?it?is?the?educators\'?duty?not?simply?to?determine?the?curriculum,?but?to?present?it?effectively.??They?cannot?half-heartedly?paint?it?on?the?blackboard,?they?must?enliven?it?and?actually?teach.??Hard?work?must?be?lauded,?while?freeloaders?are?punished.??These?are?the?duties?of?teachers,?and?the?duty?of?the?students?is?not?just?to?learn?or?study,?but?to?grow.?An?independent?mind?is?what?students?need,?and?that?mind?has?to?be?in?a?position?to?want?and?be?able?to?question?beyond?the?material?presented,?not?simply?to?question?its?legitimacy.?That?distinction,?though?subtle,?is?the?difference?between?letting?the?students?follow?a?self-destructive?course?of?premature?self-determination?on?the?one?hand?,?and?permitting?on?the?other?hand?the?fostering?of?great?talents?through?a?cooperative,?mentoring?relationship??

COMMENTARY?

This?is?an?insightful,?well-articulated?discussion?of?curricular?responsibility?and?the?larger?issue?of?academic?responsibility.??After?a?brief?introduction?examining?assumptions?implied?by?the?topic,?the?writer?skillfully?develops?the?position?that?letting?students?dictate?the?curriculum?could?dilute?the?educational?experience.??Allowing?students?to?determine?the?curriculum,?the?writer?claims,?will?deny?them?the?guidance?and?direction?they?need?to?learn?academic?responsibility.??

The?line?of?reasoning?is?strengthened?by?the?discussion?of?how?teachers?and?students?can?work?in?partnership?to?satisfy?the?needs?of?students.??The?argument?is?further?advanced?with?concrete?examples?from?high?school?courses?showing?how?teachers?provide?guidance?for?students?through?group?collaboration,?development?of?interpersonal?skills,?and?preparation?for?college.??The?examples?are?varied?(from?condom?use?to?reading?Angelou,?Yeats,?or?Euripedes)?and?used?effectively?to?further?support?the?writer\'s?position.  

In?the?conclusion,?the?writer?thoughtfully?discusses?how?educators?should?not?only?determine?the?curriculum?but?present?it?in?an?enlivened?and?appropriate?manner.??The?final?sentence,?contrasting?a?"self-destructive?course?of?premature?self-determination"?and?"a?cooperative,?mentoring?relationship,"?ties?the?essay?together.???

The?essay?is?clearly?organized,?although?the?writer?does?not?rely?on?conventional?phrases?(such?as?"first,"?"second,"?etc.)?to?signal?the?organizational?structure.??Instead,?the?organization?and?focus?progress?through?the?line?of?reasoning?that?moves?fluently?and?coherently?from?one?paragraph?to?the?next.?

Language?use?is?generally?precise?and?effective?(e.g.,?"holding?royalty?accountable?to?the?mob"),?and?sentence?structure?is?well?controlled?(e.g.,?"hard?work?must?be?lauded,?while?freeloaders?are?punished").??The?few?errors?are?minor,?the?kind?that?can?easily?be?made?--?and?forgiven?--?under?testing?conditions.?

This?outstanding?response?received?a?score?of?6.

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